The Mystrey of The Red SLK: Codename-- Blondies

For those of whom never saw it... Say aye...

(Cricket sound) + (Dust balls) ...

Just as i thought. You can't miss it, it's infront of your eyes all of the time, when you are out trying to have fun with your (friends/family/G.F/B.F) or when you are out alone meditating because you think that you are the only one who has a sucky life. and it's pretty irratating, the sight of it that is. EeeeeEeew !! Just the thought of it makes me wanna vomit my whole abdomen out!

The first words that comes out of your mouth if you are a typical person (or what i would like to reffer to as a "5aroof") is: "Eg3ad 5osh wa7da!". And if you were a girl "WoW ambaih 7addha mo 9ij!". And for those who are pretty much not typical "Indigo children/individualistic" (the "sticks" as in, what is used to guide the brainless 5irfan), well, they would say: "HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT! EEEEEEEEEEW!"

Ladies and Gentle men... I give you...

The Red SLK...

CHAPTER 1:- I believe in "ugly"...

Feb the 9th, 9:12pm It all began on a foggy night in the streets of kuwait. And to be more exact, it was near a pizza joint. A Dark Blue Toyota 2006 GX - V8 land cruiser parked near me. What i noticed inside was nothing but a mere golden light. Shimmering and radiant to the eyes of those whom are 60,000 feet away from it. All i wanted was for my hands to reach into the windows and merge with the surrondings of the other side. To allow my fingers to slide through and to feel the warmth and the tempreture of this portal of infinity and never-ending light. What was it i asked myself? The tempation was beyond my control, beyond my ability to adapt with a unique exprience. Every second i spent while I was waiting for the gates of the seventh heaven to unlock was like a year of agony, misery and pain... But when it finally opened. I realized, that it was nothing a mere human being could think of! An unimagineble, unreachable and yet beautiful portrait of mystrey and anonymity hanging from a ceiling of sky and clear space. Leaving no eyes on this planet to gaze upon the jealous stars.

A big, fat and chubby blonde hag! The color of "ITS" hair was out of the ordinary. It was bright/white and yet gold. And next to this person lies someone else of the same species! But it was thin... Probably too thin to be a creature, I mean, where does it keep all of its internal orgasms? Never the less, it had a bubbly ass (bubble ass is a term given to those who have a 36o degree "all" round ass) and it had golden long silky hair. A hair of which you would love to slide your fingers through and feel the coldness of magnificence. Unfortunately... It had a face that looked like a "n3al"... or maybe, an "aba6"... Yeah! that would sound much more... Emmm shall we say specific and absolute.

These two creatures, went inside of the pizza joint leaving with every footprint a rose of its audor and scent. They enjoyed a delicious dinner Which consisted of (one margaritha pizza, one mushroom/cream pasta and diet cokes for the drinks). And then without any kind of hesitation. They walked back to the gates tearing out all of the roses they planted through this holy land of mine to leave no trace of their existence. Returning to what appears to be thier planet. Words are that they "slept" really well. Wink wink.

My tongue started to dance to some unfamilier music of thoughts and senses. A spirit of an outsider possessed my body and knocked me unconsious! All that i remember was voice of a demon speaking right through me screaming: "HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT.. EEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEw!" And i when i woke up from this nightmare. I knew that it was just a begining of something above the dull rountine life. An opportunity of which i must take risk on. The search for my glory has just begun...


CHAPTER 2:- Iraqi homosexuality connection...

Feb the 11th, 10:00pm It's... its slowly stabbing me with its dagger. It feels like a drug addiction. I needed another dose to calm my self-consious. This feeling i am carrying on my back is getting heavier with each breath i take. All i keep thinking of that it is truely worth all the pain. They left me; "an evidence" of their subsistence with no power to sustain this position. What i am after now is how to achieve this power. This power that could grant me a step forward into the world of divinity. A dome of transcendence and absolution. A world beyond rules and laws. And to have such power, is to face them again. I could'nt tell anyone about it... I didn't want anyone to have clearence of such a thing. And so i will never give up lifting this credence on my back. And i will never tell...

Feb the 11th, 10:02pm I gave up... I just had to... I had to ask someone wether they saw the abduction or not. So i went straight to where the sun first met the darkness. And started to gather some clues from the pedestrains around...

First witness (Guy near NBK - ATM) :- Yep those 2... I tried to follow them once and when i finally succeeded, i started a simple conversation "Hala galby!" and she responded with a tone that sounded more masculine than own grandfather! which happens to smoke nearly 53 packs a day! They are BIsexuals. Gay if you will my dear friend...

Second witness (Group of tacky people standing next to their rich friend's porche so that they would look cool and get lucky at night):- Yep those 2... We once saw the skinny one with her B.F in marina mall. No! this person is a SHE and not a HE. We are damn sure...

Third witness (A friend who has 5-6 admirers and thinks that papa jhon's is the best pizza joint):- Yep those 2... I have sources that told me that they are 2 iraqi "BEDON" prostitutes who hang out near the worst pizza place EVER! I actually know someone who have fornicated with the skinny one. My sources don't lie. it's all true.

Fourth witness (A friend who has a thing for big boobs) :- Yep those FUCKIN' 2... I have seen both of their faces REALLY CLOSE! The skinny one is a man for sure. He has an adam's apple and his face looks more masculine than it is feminine + Those boobs are totally fake! The same thing goes to the fat pig version, + He is too ugly to be a woman. I mean, God is too merciful for such a thing.

Fifth witness (Very old guy in "soog el 5i'9rah):- GAAAAAAAAY !!

That's about it am afraid, The other 154 witnesses fed me from the same plate that the first five did. All i have to do now is to wait at the same pizza joint. Wait for my destiney...

CHAPTER 3:- Behind the curtains that are made out of shit...

Feb the 18th 9:48pm .. I started to have the same illusions again. Where all i could see were blonde men kissing each other and stabbing this land. And drinking from what is already a poisoned blood... Am i foreseeing the future? It doesn't matter now... What matters is those two and their key to my serenity. It's been 27 hours since i have last slept. My eyes are getting heavier than own body. And as soon as my eye lashes touched. I saw the light! No.. no not now! I could see it approach me. I.. I can't sleep now.. I must .. ZzzzZZZzzzZzZZzzzZZZzzZzZzzz...

After (Anonymous) of time .. Wha? What happend?!? What am i doing here?? ... Where are they?!! I finally realized what's going on. I have searched everywhere in the parking area and there is no sign of the Blue Land Cruiser. I felt ashamed of myself, I faild my own path to glide beyond resemblance and to rest on the throne of individuality. And on my way to the exit. Out of the blue, Something cought my attention. Yes, it was them...

This time, the other one was driving. The car was a Red Mercedes SLK. Without even thinking, I started my persuit! This was the first time that i realize that my 1.6 101HP car (which will remain nameless) is a slowpoke! Their car was flying through the road until they reached te high way, and i was way behind. And after approx. 2 min I managed to reach the high way... And of course, i completely lost them.

I returned to the crime scene. Determinant of finding something, anything that could help me to get closer (shity music on 99.7FM Radio playing: *closer... closer... closer) to them. And so i did. A golden piece of hair was left near their parking. It, it's not real... I know this because it feels just like my doll's hair... oops... I mean my little sister's aaaah... Barbie! Yeah.

After my discovery. My lovely mother called me and yelled at me for not being around home for 7 days. So i had to get back and relax for a while. For this journey have just begun.

While i was shitting in the bathroom. I tried to combine everything that i have collected to summarize my quest for tranquillity:-

A) Both of them are getting laid each night.
B) Both of them are Bisexuals.
C) The skinny one has a 80% chance that it is a (she).
D) There is no fucking way that the fat one is a she.
E) After further analyzation, it appears as though that the piece of hair came from a wig! We all know that extensions could be real hair. So this will drop the probability of the skinny to be a she from 80% to 60%.

Please stay tuned for the next chapter of The Mystrey of the Red SLK, Codename: Blondies which is:-

CHAPTER 4:- It is getting more publicity than Britney spears's scandal !!

Peace out!
Your friend Sa3oodow .. AKA .. Torn Tool